From Loss to Joy

In 2007, we saw the most beautiful, shining face on a waiting list through an adoption agency. Immediately, we knew this darling boy named Israel was to be our son. We adopted him and named him Joshua Israel and brought him and Julianna home in 2008. He was a tiny 4 year old gift from God. At the time of Joshua's court date, we were told his birth mother could not be found. A Kebele letter was required and obtained and we passed court. Josh became a Coleman although still living in Ethiopia. At this time, it was not required of families to travel for court. Joshua came home and blessed our family with his booming laugh, his quick wit, and his compassionate heart. For the last seven years, he has grown into a talented athlete, smooth dancer, lover of God, and precious son, brother, grandson, nephew, and friend. Everyone loves Josh. He is social and fun to be around, yet has carried a heaviness since he came home. As a little boy, Josh would act out and struggle every April. Other adoptive families are familiar with trigger anniversaries and March and April seemed to be Josh's tough months. He often talked about "The lady" that he misses, referring to his birth mother, always sad about her for reasons he couldn't express. We prayed him through many Aprils and many moments of grief in losing his birth mother. Months ago, we discovered that files from the now shut down agency were seized in Soddo, Josh's birthplace. Other families were searching for roots for their kiddos and locating family members, all of which was impossible before. We were told on many, many occasions there were no pictures and no information at all on Josh's birth mother. We assumed she was in heaven as we knew she was sick at the time she took Josh to the orphanage. Last week, we got a message from the precious brother/sister team, one living in the States and the other in Soddo, ET, that had been searching relentlessly for any connections for our son in Ethiopia. The news we heard was beyond what we would ever dream was reality. Joshua's birth mother was, in fact, alive. She was living 8 hours from Soddo in the city of Addis Ababa...a city we had been to four times over the years. Even more unbelievable was what this young woman had in her possession... all the pictures and descriptions of Josh written in my hand that I had sent over the years in our post adoption reports we prepared annually up until our agency closed several years ago. Suddenly, our son's story looked very different. He thought all these years she was probably in heaven. We didn't know for sure, but we certainly never imagined we would find her alive and well and working as a cleaner in a healthcare center. We began to pray and ask our family and closest friends to pray with us. We had to share this news with Josh and wanted it to be a discovery that brought healing, not confusion or pain. Two nights ago, Kurt and I sat Joshua down on our bed. We began to ask our 11 year old son questions about his birth mother..what he thought may have happened to her, what he would want to ask her if he could talk to her, how he felt about her. His eyes welled up...He said he missed her even though he didn't remember her. We proceeded to share with him the truth because we believe truth always sets us free. No matter what the results of this truth, Josh deserved to know his story. Upon telling him his birth mother was alive and well and wanting to talk to him by Skype, that beautiful, brilliant smile that marks the bubbly personality of our Joshua Israel, spread wide across his face. His spirit seemed to exhale in relief and he was overjoyed at this news. Our hearts were warmed with his mature response. Today, we received some beautiful gifts. Joshua's mother traveled back to Soddo, overjoyed at the news of her only child and with the help of the heroic brother/sister team, she sent us something we never thought we would see...a baby picture of Joshua. I jumped up and down in elation at the chubby-cheeked, smiling picture, clearly my son. Within moments, another email came through and with bated breath, I downloaded the attachment. A gorgeous, young woman stared back at me through my computer screen. She had my son's eyes, the round shape of his face, and his nose. Her beautiful Ethiopian poise was familiar to me...I had marveled at the stunning Ethiopian women on my many trips, but this was no ordinary woman. This was my son's mother...she and I had the same heart...we loved the same boy of destiny. I have gazed into her face all day today, trying to imagine her pain...her husband dead since Josh was 3 months old, her only child half a globe away and no news of his whereabouts or well being. The thought of that kind of pain took my breath away. The conflicting emotions have run rampant through my heart this week. I've been Joshua's mommy since he was four years old. I watched him learn English, start preschool, lose his first tooth, experience Christmas and birthdays, learn to read, cry over his first crush, give his heart to Jesus, get baptized...on and on our experiences of growing up have bonded us. The beautiful, olive-shaped eyes that seemed to look into my soul, however, had carried him in her womb, given birth to him, nursed him, changed his diapers, fed him his first solid food, saw him take his first steps and heard him speak his first words. That's a bond that is incomparable. This beautiful, now 29 year old woman so selflessly handed her Israel to an American adoption agency and walked away from her baby at 3 years old...no doubt she has cried over him daily, prayed for him, dreamed about him. Her pain became our joy. How do you figure all that out emotionally and spiritually? I am beyond grateful he is my son, but that gift came at a deep, painful price for her. It's difficult to resolve that within me. I wouldn't change it in a million years and she wishes beyond hope it would've never happened this way. Heavy, heavy stuff for our hearts to sift through... Just as Moses' mother agonized and laid him in a basket in the river, praying he would be saved and cared for, this stunning Ethiopian woman, very sick at the time, left her son, hoping and praying someone would save him and care for him. Just as God restored Jochebed with a relationship with Moses, God seems to be bringing restoration for our son and his birth mother. So today, I took a deep breath and set up a Skype meeting with her and a translator Wednesday morning at 7am. My son will be face to face with the mother who brought him into this world in two days...and she will look into the face so similar to hers and connect again with the son she probably thought was gone forever. It's beautiful and tragic all at once. Only God in His sovereignty has it all figured out. I will hold on for dear life and love deeply and give grace and space for my child to open his heart to his mother. Restoration and jubilee...God is all about returning to His children all they have lost. This is my son's story. I asked him if he wants it shared and with energetic joy, he responded, "Yes! Share my story!" It's a testimony to God's faithfulness, restoration, and healing. Its a story only beginning, but one I want to share with you, in hopes you allow it to touch a place in your life where you've experienced loss or grief, disappointment or tragedy. God restores all. His plans for you are to prosper you, to give you a hope and a future. He will return to you what the enemy has stolen. You can trust Him to bring wholeness where there is brokenness, restoration where there is loss. It may not look like you want it to, but His plans for you are good. Stay tuned to see God continue this story on Wednesday.